Enfant D'espoir
by NDV
Summary: Kerry has a problem... Carter and Jeanne, ever the best friends, attempt to help. This takes place when Carter still lived in Kerry's basement, Ellis and she had just split, and involves less than mild terms and some adult situations, hence the rating. In
1. Part 1

Enfant D'espoire  
  
Information, useless stuff, and the necessaries:  
  
Okay, before we begin, I need to give you a little timeline… I've definitely moved some things around. We're gonna say this is '99-ish; Lucy is irrelevant, the "Saint Valentine's Day massacre" of sorts will not be occuring in my little world, Carter is, of course, still renting Kerry's basement, she was seeing Ellis West, and Carter's finished with Roxanne or whatever her name was. Luka has already arrived, but Doug is still there purely because I find his obnoxiousness entertaining, and Jeanne's still a PA at Cook County. Whew, okay, timeline's done.  
  
The movie based upon Danielle Steel's novel Heartbeat gave me the idea and I admit I kidnapped three elements that led to the legal documents, the "Ellis is a bastard" route, and the "Gotta love Carter" aspect. I mean, he's just so cute!  
  
Hope I haven't spoiled anything for you, just thought the explanations were helpful if not necessary. My thanks go to Mickey and Claudie (who is going to kill me for not going with "the original plan", but anyway). Enjoy all! Please review, send feedback, something, anything…  
  
And the last little thing: I'm setting this in late January… because the climate of the winter season is definitely a necessary!  
  
  
  
Part One –  
  
  
  
Sighing somewhat longingly, Kerry stood in the kitchen, watching as the last of the coffee grounds disappeared into the garbage disposal. When the noise ceased, she shifted her gaze and leaned more heavily against her crutch to alleviate the pain that had settled in her hip and thigh. It would worsen in the weeks and months to come, she knew, but there wasn't much to be done about it yet.  
  
Turning more carefully than usual, she ignored the empty bottle of painkillers she'd just set on the counter, having dumped the remaining pills down the disposal minutes before, to her immense satisfaction. And then, she put on her coat and headed out the door, started her car and steering toward the hospital.  
  
If last night was any indication as to what she should expect, Kerry had a feeling she was in for a very interesting ride.  
  
  
  
Twelve Hours Later  
  
Doc Magoo's  
  
"You're what? You have to be… well, you sure as hell can't be keeping it!" Ellis West's voice raised several octaves higher than normal as the esteemed Doctor Weaver swirled the tea in her glass with a straw, watching as wine sputtered past his lips.  
  
Her voice was quiet but sure, perhaps even subdued as she replied, "I'm pregnant, Ellis, it's a child we created, not a stray mutt that followed me home. Of course I'm keeping it. I'm thirty-nine years old, you do the math." Sarcasm had always been one of her better weapons.  
  
His gaze sharpened as he focused on the fidgeting of her hands.  
  
"I never wanted kids Kerry, you know that," he paused and brushed his hands over his lapel, "and if you've made your decision, why are we even speaking? You're keeping," the Synergix representative waved his hands in the air as his voice faltered, "it… for purely selfish reasons," a lightbulb seemingly went off in his head, "and how do I even know it's mine? What with that resident living in our basement…"  
  
"Goddammit – you did not," Kerry pushed her chair back, fumbled with her crutch, and stood quickly, an air of anger encompassing them. "Goddammit, Ellis! You may question my motives, my abilities and my humanity, but don't you ever," her voice fell dangerously low, "ever question my integrity! I've never asked you for anything Doctor West," her tone was icy, "and I sure as hell won't start now. I thought you deserved a chance to, at the very least, get to know your child!"  
  
At that, Ellis stood, towering over her, and grabbed her free wrist. "Kerry."  
  
"Let go of me," she commanded, irrational fear overruling her anger as his grip tightened before releasing her again.  
  
Lowering his face to hers, he whispered, "Get rid of the little bastard, I won't let you touch me with this. I've worked too hard and too long for you to ruin me now…" his words were halted as Kerry reflexively slapped him.  
  
Stepping backwards, she shook her head with a strange mix of desperation and rage, "This isn't about position or money," she began but quickly stopped, realizing the lack of effect in her words. Turning on her heel, Kerry stormed from the restaurant, crutch clicking furiously at her side.  
  
"Kerry!" Ellis yelled, rubbing his jaw with one hand and banging the table with the other.  
  
Moments later, Kerry rushed through the ER to the lounge, ignoring Randi and Jeanne's calls, and the presence of both Drs. Carter and Ross in the lounge. Both men looked up upon her entrance, taking in her flushed face and wild-eyed look. Doug idly thought he'd never seen her so angry, and Carter's eyes filled with concern. However, they were still startled when Kerry stood before the couch, growled as she worked her arm loose from the crutch, and pitched it harshly across the room.  
  
"Goddammit all to hell!" Kerry quasi-yelled, then gave into her weaker leg and collapsed into the sofa cushions.  
  
For a moment the lounge was quiet, if not stunned. Then Carter stood, circled the couch, and handed her a bottle of water. A moment passed before she accepted it, twisted the top to no avail, then handed it back to be opened.  
  
"Thank you, Carter," her voice was tired, measured, and he sat beside her, watching as the anger seemed to drain from her body.  
  
"Hey, Kerry, what the hell pissed you off?" Doug chose to interrupt.  
  
Instead of rising to the bait, she lifted her head, grinned ruefully, and answered, "Life."  
  
Carter stood and retrieved the crutch as he often did at home – 'yes' he thought, 'it is home' – and handed it to her.  
  
"I'm off, anyway. Don't you have patients to see?" her gaze shifted between them slyly, and she was gone as quickly as she'd arrived.  
  
  
  
She walked a little slower than usual, Jeanne noted, watching her friend carefully as she exited Trauma 2. The hospital was buzzing with gossip – Doug from the lounge and Haleh from Magoo's – and the PA couldn't help but sigh as she tried to figure out how to get Kerry to open up about whatever was wrong. No one knew what words were said between the attending and her ex, but many witnessed the tension and anger, and heard the resounding slap – flesh against flesh.  
  
Smiling to herself, she told Randi she was taking her break, and approached a weary-looking Dr. Weaver, extending a lunch invitation. "My treat, your favorite Mexican place?"  
  
And she laughed out loud when the doctor, after a few moments of visible wavering and a glance to prove to herself that few were waiting, nodded, and together they left. "Italian instead," Kerry suggested, eyebrows raised.  
  
An hour and two orders of baked manicotti later, after Jeanne's best prodding, goading, offering, inquiring, and near-begging, Kerry was still hesitant to open up.  
  
Sighing, Boulet gave up, placed a gentle hand over her friend's even as she stared at her water glass, and spoke. "Just know that I'm never too far, and when you're ready to talk, I'll be available. You don't have to deal with everything alone, Kerry, you have a couple of friends who'd gladly listen."  
  
Kerry lifted her head and sighed along with her, wondering silently just who these seemingly invisible friends were.  
  
"I'm not kidding, you've got me and Carter at the very least."  
  
"Yeah," she replied, voice monotone. 'Carter', she thought. 'If Jeanne can read my mind, I wonder what he can do,' and with that, Kerry pushed her thoughts down before they strayed places they did not belong.  
  
"Back to work?" Jeanne asked, waiting for her nod as she pushed Kerry's hand from the check then laid several bills on the table. "Let's go," she said, aloud, mentally adding, "Maybe Carter will have better luck." 


	2. Part 2a

Part Two  
  
  
  
Carter rolled over and groaned, preparing himself for the onslaught of his landlady's feminist-style music, but upon lifting the pillow, he heard nothing.  
  
"'s funny," his voice was gravelly from disuse, "heard something…" So he paused, then sat up, running a hand through his hair and down over his face. And then he heard it again: first, a cry, then something sounded vaguely like retching.  
  
"Kerry!" Carter flew from the bed and pounded up the stairs, finding himself in her open bathroom doorway seconds later. She was gripping the sides of the toilet as if it were a life preserver, head hanging over it, lips pursed, tears wet against her face. Without a thought, his medical training kicked in and he made his way to her, asking softly, "Need some help?"  
  
Kerry waved her hand and shook her head, then inhaled sharply and began to heave again, tears blurring her vision and sliding down her cheeks. Carter slid behind her, supporting her body with a hand on her forehead and the other at her side. After a moment, the ER doctor realized that trying to stop her tears only made her heave harder, so she allowed a small sob as the episode ended. After another moment, Carter pulled her toward him, leaning her back against his bare chest, and whispered, "Better?"  
  
She nodded slowly, and he handed her a small sip of water in the cup he'd fumbled for beside the sink and filled. "Easy," he reminded, watching her spit it in the toilet before reaching up and flushing it. "I'm going to help you back to bed," he added, taking in her pale skin and exhausted expression. Not seeing her crutch, Carter opted to lift her, and despite a few quiet protests, he was soon pulling back the covers and cacooning her beneath them.  
  
Somewhere in the back of her mind, she'd connected the feel of his arms on her naked legs, her face nestled against his chest. And she could smell him – clean and masculine and comfortable.  
  
"Don't move, Kerry. I'm going to get you some dry toast," Carter grinned impishly, attempting to lift her spirits, "I'll try not to break the toaster."  
  
"Don't you dare," she rasped, turning her head into the pillow as he walked toward the door. "Thank you," Kerry added, "but you don't have to, I'll be okay. It passes."  
  
Carter nodded, but reiterated, "Dry toast, be right back," and headed to the kitchen. He wondered momentarily if she'd been sick the previous night, which explained why she was already asleep when he arrived to find dinner done and waiting. "It passes," she'd said, and her words bounced against the walls of Carter's brain. On his way up to the room, he finally realized what she'd said.  
  
"Hey," John sighed, watching her nibble cautiously on the toast before slightly smiling in appreciation. He was slightly hesitant to ask, but decided to risk permanent damage to life and limb for the sake of their friendship, "Are you pregnant?"  
  
He had expected her to yell, demand, or even slap him, but she didn't even glare at him, she only dropped the toast, clasped her hands together, and nodded. Carter's voice was caught in his throat for a moment, but he finally managed to mumble a congratulations. Again, she nodded and then he noticed she'd begun to cry again.  
  
"What's wrong?" he asked, sitting across from her.  
  
After her silent deliberation, Kerry decided to confide in him as she had so many times before. She still felt odd and found her actions to be somewhat uncharacteristic of herself, but shook it away and whispered, "He doesn't want it. It would be okay if… if he doesn't want me, I… I'm used to it, but he doesn't want the baby," her words spilled forth without thought, "He called it a bastard and told me to get rid of it; he said I was ruining his life," her next words were sobbed. "It is a baby!"  
  
"Ellis West?" he questioned a moment later, absorbing the emotional reactions more than the words. He didn't want Kerry, he didn't want his own child. What kind of an idiot was he? Anger kinked the muscles in his shoulders as he moved to sit beside her, leaning her against him again, "You shouldn't think that, you are wanted, Kerry, and so is your baby; I'll take care of you," he wanted to say but feared his own reaction to the words he knew she'd say. Instead, he smoothed her hair backward and soothed, "Hey, he's a prick, Kerry. He doesn't deserve you or this child. He is the bastard. It will be okay, though, you'll see, no matter what you do."  
  
She nodded as he peeled her hands away, and she caught the rage in his eyes that he wanted to release on Ellis.  
  
"Every child should have a father and a mother," Kerry argued quietly, "I was abandoned, Carter, I know how it feels! I grew up alone, in that place… that orphanage, in Nairobi…" she turned away, even as he brushed at her tears, "I don't want him back, I just want him to love his child," she paused, "I want this baby. I won't get rid of it, I won't."  
  
"I'm sorry, Kerry," the resident murmured, pulling her into his arms, "Whatever West says or thinks, just remember that this child already has a wonderful mother who's already worrying frantically about his or her welfare as only the best of mothers do," he smiled over her shoulder, realizing that, for once, she wasn't fighting his presence or his comfort, "You're going to be a great mother, Kerry, and that's all that matters." As an afterthought, he added, "I've always thought so."  
  
"You did?" her voice had the questioning, innocent quality of a child's.  
  
"I did and I do," he reassured, "It's going to be okay, it really is. I'm not just saying that," Carter comforted, rubbing her back. "Uncle Carter, nah, Uncle John sounds better. My first niece or nephew to spoil! And Aunt Jeanne – she's gonna love that!"  
  
At that, Kerry laughed aloud, already picturing scenarios of John and a tow headed child and ice cream, and Jeanne and the same child playing on swings at the park. Almost as quickly, she flashed to an image of herself and a tiny baby wrapped in a receiving blanket, and she realized that Carter was right, despite everything, the end result would be the same, and it would be more than okay.  
  
"I'm going to work today, Carter," she added sternly, a smile still upturning the corners of her lips, and he smiled back and nodded, knowing arguing with her was useless and morning sickness would pass.  
  
"Go back to sleep," he suggested after a moment, laying her against her pillows and brushing her bangs from her face. And then he realized – she already had.  
  
Carter attempted to move, but noted that his and Kerry's legs were somehow tightly intertwined, and so he decided to stay, hoping not to catch hell for it when she awoke. He grinned to himself, realizing that she really trusted him, and nothing could please him more at the moment. He leaned back against the pillows and resisted the urge to place his hand upon her stomach, wanting to tell her that even if the father didn't want it, he did, he would cherish the life inside of her. After several minutes of quietly watching Kerry, Carter too fell, a smile still gracing his face. Yeah, it would be okay.  
  
---  
  
Nine Hours Later  
  
Cook County General  
  
"We've got an MVA coming in! Hit and run: six year old hit by a car, vitals are bad, BP's 80 over 40 and dropping, body temp's down to 96," an unidentified voice called, and Kerry's head snapped up as she surveyed the sudden flurry of activity. Snow had begun to fall hours before, blocking traffic and keeping the staff in their positions at the hospital. "ETA… now!"  
  
"Kerry, can you take that one? I've got another in Four!" Doug Ross called, and she nodded, left the chart she'd been glancing at on the counter, and headed toward the door, which burst open before she reached it.  
  
"Bullet?" she called, and the EMT began speaking, repeating the same words as before.  
  
"No change?" Kerry asked, nodding for Jeanne to insert the IV she held.  
  
"Hasn't regained consciousness, he coded once already," Doris responded, shaking her head. Jeanne sighed as she hooked up the heart monitor.  
  
"BP's dropping, going into V-fib… asystole," Kerry nodded as Lydia arrived with two thermal blankets, "Get me the cart!"  
  
Moments later, Jeanne unhooked the IV, and Lydia exited, blankets still in her arms. Kerry stood, paddles lowered from her hands and shook her head, then sighed, hearing the inevitable "Call it," over her shoulder before the speaker left the room.  
  
"Time of death, four-oh-seven p.m." She pulled the blanket further upward, slightly bowed her head, and placed a hand on the small child's arm. "I'm sorry," she whispered, and Jeanne looked up oddly at her when the words became clear.  
  
Jeanne crinkled her brow as she observed Kerry blinking furiously and shaking her head. "Come on," she nodded and took the chart, and they exited. "Let's break?" she started to say, but turned too slowly and realized the attending had gone the other way and slipped into the ladies' room.  
  
She sighed and deposited her things at the desk. "What's up with Weaver?" Carol asked, taking the chart.  
  
"I don't know," the PA sighed, "but something's wrong." Idly, she added, "the boy in Three didn't make it, she took it kind of hard I think."  
  
Carol's eyebrows slid upward and Jeanne headed toward the restroom, "I'd better make sure she's okay."  
  
Doug passed her and moved to speak to Carol, "Jackass that hit that kid just took off, didn't even stop. I called Mercy when I got out of the other Trauma Room, no one's been there in the last hour or two that would fit the medical problems. Roads are practically closed, it's really going to slow down over the next hour or two, the ambulances can't get out." A frown was etched across his face. "Who took him?"  
  
"Dr. Weaver," Carol informed him, "they lost him."  
  
Doug sighed and raked a hand through his hair, "Dammit," he whispered, and walked off toward the lounge before Carol could inform him further.  
  
"Kerry?" Jeanne called, tapping on the bathroom door twice before sliding inside. The redhead stood at the sink, her crutch leaned against the wall, her weight supported by her good leg, as she splashed water on her face.  
  
It quickly became obvious to Jeanne that she hadn't heard the light rapping or her call, as she shook her head to her mirror image and muttered to herself, "God, Kerry, you've gotta stop it with the tears. You're stronger than this," and she grabbed a paper towel and patted her face, drying the tears that mingled with the water.  
  
Jeanne stepped further into the room, grabbing another towel, and stood in front of her, offering it to her as she threw the other away and turned around. She jumped slightly, then cocked her head and accepted it, wiping the rest of the water away and raking her fingers through her hair. "Hi."  
  
"Hey." Jeanne replied quietly, curiosity overcoming manners as she watched the older woman readjust her crutch and move back to where she'd stood before. "You okay?"  
  
"I…" she paused a moment, "I'm used to saying 'yes, I'm fine' to this question, but Carter already lectured me on that this morning." Jeanne grinned a little at the image of Carter lecturing Kerry. Good-natured lecturing, no doubt. Kerry looked up at her, and walked toward the door. "Still slow out there?" Again, the PA nodded. "Want to go for that break? I'm not hungry, but I could use a minute to go over the rest of those charts."  
  
"Isn't that Mark's job?" she cocked an eyebrow as they left the restroom, and Jeanne sighed, knowing her questions would have to wait until later.  
  
"You'd think so, but he's not … very experienced in the administration field. Besides, it's slow, and I've got nothing better to do than chart review, even though I'm not the Chief anymore." Surprisingly, the bitter resignation that used to be in her voice at those words had faded away. Instead, she heard acceptance in her own words.  
  
"Let's go sit in the lounge?" Jeanne suggested, but the words had barely left her mouth before she was interrupted.  
  
"Kerry!" a man called, standing before the admit desk with a briefcase in his hand. "A moment, please?"  
  
The doctor hesitated a moment, tightening her grip on the metal crutch at her side, "Wait for me in the lounge?" she asked Jeanne, then proceeded to nod and move slowly toward where he stood.  
  
"We need to talk," he added.  
  
Kerry said nothing for a moment, then sighed, "Ellis…"  
  
He shook his head and held up a hand, "Don't, it's not that… never mind," he laid his briefcase against the corner of the desk farthest from Randi, Lydia, and Haleh, and removed a set of blue and white papers. "You should sign these."  
  
With a quizzical expression, Kerry pulled her reading glasses from her pocket and perched them on her nose, taking the papers from him. She scanned over them quickly, her hands shaking as she returned her gaze to the top of the paper.  
  
"You son of a bitch." 


	3. Part 2b

Part 2b  
  
  
  
"You son of a bitch," she hissed, barely controlled anger resonating through each word. At her words, the three observers turned to them almost in unison, and Carter exited a suture room and removed his gloves, depositing them before halting in the middle of the hall, watching as Kerry's head snapped up and she glared at the man with all she had in her. "You son of a bitch!" she repeated, her voice raising in volume and pitch, but still quiet enough not to attract any more attention. She began to shake her head almost violently. "No. I'm not, no," and she thrust the papers back at him, turning away, but he reached forward and grabbed her elbow more gently than he had two days before.  
  
"Kerry, it's a good deal, the best you're going to get. I'm not paying… I won't give up…" he seemed to stumble over his words, and she turned back to him, "I can't be responsible for this. I won't be. I don't want this… this…it." He waved the papers in the air, and she looked into his face as if seeing him for the first time.  
  
Her eyes flitted to the desk and she sighted a pen, taking it into her hand. Closing her eyes for a moment, she sighed, uncertain of what she was about to do. "Where do I…?"  
  
He sighed, visibly relieved. "Here…" he waited for her to finish, "and here, and here." On the last line, she hesitated for a few more seconds.  
  
"What have I done?" she thought to herself, but laid the pen back on the counter, took one look at him over her shoulder as he folded the legal documents and placed them back in his briefcase. "You're the bastard, Ellis," and she turned and crutched away, leaving the four witnesses to stare at him as he watched her go, an almost remorseful look on his face.  
  
Carter cut him off a few seconds later as he neared the exit and whispered to him beneath his breath, "You've got what you wanted, West, I hope you're happy. You've just destroyed her, you know that? Now stay the hell away from her!" and he stormed away towards the lounge and Kerry.  
  
She ignored Carol and Doug as she entered, and walked straight to the table and sat across from Jeanne, leaning her head on her hand and her crutch against the table as she turned to look out the window. "My God," she thought, "What have I done?" For the legal documents she'd held in her hands moments before had been headed with the line Renunciation of Antenatal Paternal Rights. "I'm sorry," she whispered beneath her breath again, and this time Jeanne didn't catch it.  
  
Carol and Doug watched she and Jeanne curiously for a moment, then returned to their own conversation before Carter entered. He caught sight of the two women and moved to take the other seat, asking before he could stop himself, "Are you okay?" And she nodded before she could think about any other answer, and he shook his head at her and sighed, "Liar."  
  
"I…" she sighed, then looked at him, really looked at him, and he reached for her and pulled her to him in an at-first-stiff hug, as she fought back more tears. He knew, she realized then, what she'd done, what the papers she'd signed were and that she'd signed away any chance of having a normal family her child would have. And he didn't blame her or hate her. He'd meant what he'd said, he believed that she could do it without Ellis West, and that faith made her lower lip tremble and her hands move to his shoulders, accepting the embrace. He didn't blame her, and he didn't hate her.  
  
All movement and conversation in the room ceased then, and she turned her head into his shoulder, unable to stifle the tears that followed her gasp. "What have I done?" Kerry asked, her voice more a cry than anything else. "Oh God, what have I done?"  
  
Jeanne moved forward and patted her friend's back, unsure what was going on as Carter moved his chair closer to hold her more tightly. Carol and Doug exchanged glances, curious and concerned and Doug's slightly angry and protective – something he never expected to feel in conjunction with a certain redhead he more than obviously disliked. Sighing, he admitted to himself that even she was human.  
  
"The right thing," Carter replied, "The best thing for you both. You did the right thing."  
  
"Doesn't feel like it," she whispered, and the waterworks seemed to cut off of their own accord as she regained some of her composure, and Jeanne handed her a tissue, ever the patient friend.  
  
"What's wrong, Kerry?" she asked, this time determined to get answers out of her friend. She was surprised a moment later as Kerry began to speak without urging.  
  
"I just signed papers agreeing that Ellis had no paternal rights to his own child," Kerry sighed, and glanced at Carter from the corner of her eye. She could hear Carol gasp from the couch, and Jeanne reached forward and dried her tears, clasping one hand in her own.  
  
"You're pregnant?"  
  
Kerry nodded, calm and rational, moreso than she'd been in days, "It was an accident, but he was angry, and told me to get rid of it."  
  
"You're going to keep it?" Doug interjected himself into the conversation.  
  
"Yeah," she whispered, the tiniest of smiles on her face as Carter's hand moved to her shoulder and Jeanne held her other hand. "I am." After a pause, she glanced at Carter, "We're gonna be okay."  
  
"Yes, you are," he whispered back, and grinned at her next words.  
  
"Okay, Carol. Let the rumor mill have it," she paused, lips quirking up into a grin, "And let me know which book Jerry's running, I might want to place a bet or two myself."  
  
And when Jeanne began to laugh, so did the other two, and Doug and Carol soon joined in, then moved to the table to ask for details with curiosity they normally weren't allowed to display around their Dr. Weaver. Ten weeks, she'd told them, the morning sickness wasn't terribly bad, though Carter certainly disagreed; yes, she'd gone to Mercy and yes, she was taking her vitamins. Things were fine, the amniocentesis would be in five weeks, the first sonogram in two. She was going to be okay, and Jeanne was going to be an Aunt. Kerry glanced at Carter, who looked at her and then grinned at Jeanne before announcing to them, with a grin on his face and a proud look in his eyes, that he was going to be an Uncle.  
  
And she'd laughed, forgetting Ellis West and her child's lack of a father, her crutch and the difficulties that would come as the pain was already worsening, for a moment, she'd been more sure of herself and of them, and she glowed. Though it had always seemed to be just an old wives' tale, Jeanne grinned wider and told her, "I'm so happy for you, Kerry. You're absolutely radiant."  
  
Then Carol added, "Forget that idiot of a pharmaceutical rep," she grinned devilishly, "You've got friends!" And Doug nodded.  
  
"Oh that makes me feel so much better," her voice was sarcastic but her words sincere, and she laughed to herself, wondering at Doug's sudden generosity before she remembered that he'd always loved babies and children of all kinds, and that once upon a time during a residency years ago, they'd been friends.  
  
"Hey, I'm good with babies!" Carol argued wistfully, remembering the support Kerry'd shown in the months past and the mistakes she'd offered to cover up. What goes around comes around, she figured.  
  
Kerry smiled then, allowing a hand to glide down protectively to her stomach, and the room was quiet as they all absorbed the new information.  
  
It struck Carter strongest then, that their Dr. Weaver was gone forever, and in her place was someone he was already beginning to fall in love with all over again. "You should rest," he informed her, and she rolled her eyes at his protectiveness even though she was flattered and slightly appreciative.  
  
"Yes, you should," Jeanne added, "And I know Exam Four is empty, so we should escort you down there and then order some food for dinner."  
  
"No, you mean you should drop me off, lock me in, order food, and start placing your bets," she corrected.  
  
"That too," Doug grinned, and Carter stood up, handed her her crutch as was becoming his custom, and pushed her toward the door. "Girl or a boy?" Doug pondered aloud, "Let's go talk to Jerry," and he and Carol exited the room, leaving Jeanne to sit alone at the small table.  
  
"Oh, Kerry," she sighed, "when are you going to see what's right in front of you?" the PA shook her head, the real betting pool that had been causing a stir was going to be rocked by this one. Though it wasn't Carter's child by DNA, Jeanne had a feeling this was the push that both the resident and attending needed. So she stood to her feet and hurried from the lounge to change the date she'd placed her bet on before someone else got there first. 


	4. Interlude/Part 3

This isn't really a part, more like filler scenes, but I thought they could better convey the intimacy here than later. Also, keep in mind that this is just one story in a set, as I plan to take this through Kerry's pregnancy. The first story goes through only the first 17 weeks (rather, seven that she's known about it).  
  
  
  
Interlude (Part Three)  
  
Later  
  
Kerry's House  
  
  
  
"If you're trying to be funny," she warned, rolling her eyes at her own lame attempt at sounding stern. Kerry had one hand in the popcorn bowl and in the other, she held the movie box for Nine Months. "Cute, real cute, Carter."  
  
He chuckled as the video began, and returned to his seat beside her on the couch, throwing an arm across her shoulders. "You need cheering up, and comedy…"  
  
"This isn't a pity party, Carter – John. I don't do pity parties." Her insecurities broke througfh as she spoke.  
  
"I don't pity you, Kerry, you're a good friend – the best – and I intend for it to remain that way. Friends help each other out and cheer each other up, correct?"  
  
"Yeah," she sighed, finally satisfied with the explanation as the previews ended. "Thanks." She was relieved but almost deflated, something inside felt sort of twisted at the word 'friend', but she opted to ignore it again. She flipped her better leg beneath her and leaned against Carter's side, reclaiming the popcorn bowl and commenting, "I really hope this isn't some sort of omen. A comedy of errors leading up to, you know, the end of it." Kerry gestured with a hand full of popcorn before lifting it to her mouth.  
  
He watched the kernels slide past her lips and groaned to himself, mind being led in directions for which he knew she'd kill him for following. Mentally scolding himself, he asked, "You've seen this one?"  
  
"No, it's on the back of the box, Carter," she chuckled at his disappointed expression even as she attempted to mock him. After a moment, she continued, "It's going to be a long six months," she eyed the blue and yellow papers that had been delivered earlier in the evening and were now sitting on the end table. 'Alone,' she added mentally.  
  
As if he had heard her thoughts, Carter took her hands and smiled as the first scene opened on the screen before them. "You've got friends, Kerry, you won't be alone unless you want to be."  
  
She reflexively squeezed back and smiled up at him, "Thank you," she repeated. "I don't want to be." Her words were quiet in a less than obvious attempt at refusing her vulnerability again, openly, and she knew he hadn't heard, for his eyes never deviated from the screen.  
  
But he had, and he smiled, vowing silently, "I'm here. I'll always be here…"  
  
---  
  
"I'd warn that this will be cold, but I believe you're aware of that," Nancy grinned toward her patient, who was anxiously awaiting the real-time image that would soon arrive on the screen. Her child, her baby. She'd see her son or daughter for the first time, then, and she felt a hand close over hers as she nodded to the doctor.  
  
Carter stood over, smiled, and then sat in the stool the doctor motioned toward. Leaning toward her ear, he whispered, "I know you didn't ask me to be here, but we were talking about your appointment earlier, and I checked your calendar for the time. It's pretty slow downstairs, anyway," he lied, "and I thought I might want to be here, you know, see my niece or nephew for the first time." His grin was boyish, kind, beautiful to her as she smiled worriedly up at him. "Is it okay?"  
  
"Fine, Carter," she replied, silently glad that he'd opted to join her. They'd spent the night before discussing possible complications that could result from the amniocentesis she knew her OB-GYN would think necessary. After agonizing for several hours and listening to arguments from both sides, Kerry and Carter had jointly agreed that perhaps the amnio was necessary, at least giving information that could potentially save the child's life. The doctor in her knew that it wasn't a medical necessity, but still was advisable because of her somewhat advanced age. The mother in her kept thinking, "I'd know if something was wrong with my baby, wouldn't I? Oh God, what if something's wrong with my baby?" and so the two balanced each other out well, and Carter had hugged her when she'd finally acquiesced to his way of thinking.  
  
Of course, he planned to keep her on her back for at least the twenty- four hours after the test, doing stupid little things unlike what had originally and unashamedly flashed through her mind when he'd first announced his intentions. Read books, watch movies, listen to her extremely loud music a little bit lower than normal, tell childhood stories, play cat's cradle or strip poker, whatever, he'd informed her, would make her happy or keep her calmly occupied. He'd grinned when he'd said strip poker, and she'd laughed aloud at the thought, but both had filed it away for later suggestions, as neither had thought it was quite so amusing as to be impossible. She was falling in love with him, because he wanted to be a father and he was a father to her baby, and he was so attentive to them in his gentler moments, and because despite it all, he really seemed to care, to hold affections toward her. And though she never thought he'd love her back, he had for longer than either of them could have expected.  
  
It was in moments like those, he'd think later, when the image of her child, their child, first came into view on the screen and she'd begun to cry as his eyes welled with tears, that he knew he loved her, and nothing else seemed to matter except the three of them.  
  
"You're beautiful," he'd whispered into her ear after the technician handed Carter a towel to wipe the gel from her slightly swollen stomach and left the room. He'd touched her, reverently with the towel, doing as instructed, and her eyes had widened as she watched him, heard his words, and a blush spread across her cheeks as he offered his hand and pulled her to a seated position. She'd moved to lower her shirt then, but he'd stopped her, setting a hand fully against her stomach, smiling up at her as he leaned closer, and spoke to the child for the first time.  
  
Yes, Kerry'd decided then, John Carter would make an excellent father. Someday soon, she thought, and someday soon, she hoped.  
  
"Amniocentesis is in four weeks," she'd told him then, and he'd lowered her shirt for her and smiled at her reassuringly as he mentally carded the date and time, vowing to be there to hold her hand. And shortly afterward, when they'd arrived in the ER again, they'd let the others' hand go, become doctors again, and been swept into the whirlwind of activity that Carter had denied. 


	5. Conclusion

Here's the ending to the first story in the set. I'm not entirely sure when the next will be out if anyone's interested… should be soon, I just have to complete "Epiphany" first.  
  
Thanks for reading –  
  
L  
  
  
  
Conclusion:  
  
-And I'm frightened too,  
  
that you might not see…  
  
I'm still a child inside,  
  
Though a child is growing in me-  
  
-"Mother", Judie Tzuke  
  
  
  
"Kerry Weaver, drop that coffee pot!" the voice was calmly commanding and distinctly accented, and seemed to come from nowhere.  
  
Before she could turn to respond to the presence, she heard the lounge door close and the pot and mug were taken from her hands.  
  
"What do you think you're doing? Caffeine is…"  
  
The ex-ER Chief sighed then rolled her eyes, bending slightly at the waist and retrieving a can of ground coffee. Setting it on the bar, she leaned heavily against her crutch and tapped the label. "Read."  
  
"Decaf?" he seemed surprised, eyebrows shooting upward toward his hairline. "You never struck me as the type."  
  
"Type?" she began to ask, but shook her head, retrieving her mug, and moved to sit on the couch. "Better than nothing."  
  
Luka nodded pensively, then pulled himself from thoughts of his lost family before they could again consume him. Sighing, he sat in a separate chair, waiting for her to break the silence. The lights above them flickered, ceased, then again lit up, slightly dimmer than before.  
  
"Generator," she paused, "Snow and ice probably weighed down the transformer."  
  
"Closed to incoming traumas?" Luka prodded, and she met his gaze over her coffee cup.  
  
"Not my call, but I imagine so," Kerry replied and shrugged, setting the mug back on the table. "Romano has final say in these matters." Her words weren't without a slight tinge of bitterness.  
  
After another pause, the tall Croatian smiled lightly, and asked, "How are you?"  
  
Almost reflexively, Kerry narrowed her eyes, clasped her hands together, and leaned back farther into her seat. "Which one sent you?" she demanded.  
  
"Which.. Uhm, Kerry," Luka began, bewilderment apparent on his face.  
  
"Carter or Jeanne?"  
  
"Uh, neither. I just wanted to know… how you were," his voice was quiet but filled with amusement as he watched her eyes widen.  
  
"Oh," the corners of her mouth twitched upward involuntarily, "Okay."  
  
"Pardon?"  
  
"I'm okay, fine, you know," she clarified, her hands gesturing wildly. "You?" Kerry barely withheld a chuckle at the look of sheer confusion plastered over his face.  
  
"Fine, fine," he answered, shaking away his confusion at the woman before him, then grinned as he too drained his coffee mug. "Carter or Jeanne?"  
  
Kerry turned away, feeling her face grow warm against her wishes upon being questioned amusedly over her assumption. She said nothing, so Luka again began to speak. "They worry, friends do that, and Carter," he caught himself before continuing, grinning wider as he turned to glance at the closed lounge door and added, "well, he's Carter."  
  
"How're the betting pools?" she replied, insistent upon getting her retaliating shot and refusing to follow Luka's train of thought.  
  
Luka shook his head again, startled. He never did understand why she allowed the pools, especially when she knew about the specific topics. "I don't know. I don't… gamble, at least, not on lives."  
  
Kerry nodded, "Should've known," she muttered beneath her breath, and rolled her eyes when he turned back with yet another question.  
  
"And Carter? Is he… hovering?" he struggled a minute with the wording, cautious in his questioning as he well-remembered the Chief of Emergency Medicine's volatile temper over the tiniest details.  
  
The doctor barely contained an indignant snort, as everyone seemed to be questioning her personal life and living arrangements of late, but upon looking up she caught the sincerity in his eyes and smiled. "Yes, you could say that," almost as an afterthought, she added, "It's nice… having a, well, friend." It almost surprised her, Kerry mused, that she had trouble naming Carter as a friend, it was funny how he'd stepped into the role of something so much bigger without being asked, or perhaps, without asking. And, she couldn't help but think, he fit in that role so well. Yes, he would make a magnificent father to someone's child, someday. A wonderful partner, too.  
  
It still struck her, after that first morning almost seven weeks ago, when Carter arrived, tapping on her bedroom door, just as she woke each morning or evening, depending on her shifts. Whether it was to hold back her hair or deliver a meal, or even read to her or be read to, he always arrived, at least once daily, sitting on the foot of her bed and offering something she found so incredibly valuable – his time and companionship. Kerry had noticed several times, too, that the look that had crossed his face had been something different than she usually saw in him, but something that she'd seen many times since he'd moved into her basement, and at an even greater frequency in the past weeks and months. She pondered over it even then, what exactly he had somehow come to mean to her and what she meant to him. With a wry grin that would be sure to leave Luka wondering where her mind had wandered, Kerry admitted to herself that, just maybe, she'd worn the very same look on her face many times, and not just in the last year.  
  
Yes, Carter had become something much more than a friend, she only wondered if he knew just what he wanted to be.  
  
"Carter's some friend," Luka smiled again, noting the faraway look in her eyes, and her eyes narrowed as she came back to herself. "Someone who cares, who can hold back your hair or hold your hand. Okay, okay," he held up his hands, "I'm dropping it," the attending surrendered. He observed her as her eyes slipped slowly closed and she leaned further back into the cushions. It was then that he realized exactly what sort of fear and anxiety his supervisor was going through waiting for those test results. She hadn't wanted the amniocentesis in the first place, but opted for it in case something was wrong. They'd all known she'd agonized over her decision, worried over what might happen if she gave in, and what might happen if she didn't. But, being Kerry Weaver, she said nothing, held her head up, and forged on, only letting the select few see her guard down, her hands caress her child, the tears she seldom cried. She would survive.  
  
The door slipped open and Carter entered, standing quietly, somewhat apprehensively watching the two, before sitting on the other end of the couch. Without warning, she flipped a hand up and growled, "Don't even say it, Carter, I'm fine."  
  
He arched an eyebrow, looking toward Luka, and mouthed, "O-okay…"  
  
Luka grinned back rather impishly and turned to go refill his mug.  
  
"Still waiting for that phone call?" Carter prodded, grinning widely as she opened her eyes, glare absent, to sigh at him. He allowed himself to inch closer and slip an arm behind her, not quite touching but offering support should she decide to give in to wanting it.  
  
"It's been a long hour and fifteen minutes. She said they'd call after five," she shrugged and ran her hand through her hair before Carter captured it in his own and laid them together against the outside of his thigh.  
  
"Why didn't you go upstairs and wait there? With the power out, I'm not sure they'll even call."  
  
"They'll call, believe me. I hate those things, you know, the gowns, the rooms, everything. And it makes me feel useless, you know, the waiting and pacing and all of that. I'm no good at pacing anyway. At least here I can drink my coffee in relative peace and worry to myself," she replied quietly.  
  
"Decaf?" Carter asked, eyes narrowed.  
  
"Yes – decaf."  
  
"Okay." With that, the phone rang just as she predicted, ending all chances of silence. Carter glanced at Kerry, whose eyes flitted back and forth between him and Luka. "You want me to…"  
  
"No, no," she shook her head semi-violently and reached for the phone. A few minutes later and several 'yeah's and worried glances later, she pushed herself upward and looked to Carter, the phone back in its cradle.  
  
"Yeah?" the younger man asked, standing to his feet too and shifting restlessly from right to left.  
  
"They wanted me to go upstairs, but…" she paused, and Luka moved forward, unsure what to do and whether or not his presence was wanted. "Uhm, no presence of anything life threatening and untreatable," she sighed thankfully, "there's some concern over an Rh factor incompatibility, but that can be treated with RhoGam in about 12 weeks and during, you know, labor, and the baby'll need an extra treatment after it's born, but other than that, it'll be okay, Nancy thinks. They thought it would've shown up sooner, but it obviously didn't or at least no one thought to share this with me and didn't record it in the charts."  
  
Carter fought the urge to reach forward, "But everything's okay for sixteen weeks? I still don't think you're eating enough, you should be gaining more weight."  
  
This time, Luka grinned as he observed her obvious blush. Oh yeah, the Croatian thought, they've got it bad.  
  
"Quit being a doctor for a minute, Carter," Luka moved forward and smacked him on the shoulder, wearing a pleased expression.  
  
The youngest attending looked cautiously between Luka and Kerry before focusing in on her again, watching as she rolled her eyes at him.  
  
"I eat more than I should," she sighed. "Everything's fine, as long as this gets treated it won't go any further. HDN is easily prevented, and you know, it's going to be fine," she was adamant, "it has to be, right?" she looked up at him and watched as the concerned expression on his face seemed to wash away and pure joy overtook him.  
  
Luka stepped backward as Carter finally gave in to himself and reached forward hesitantly, noting that her crutch was still leaning against the corner table. Outside, snow began to fall even harder, white flakes large and heavy as they pelted the lounge window and covered the ambulance bay where no one waited for the sick, the injured and the dying, and the corner radio crackled to life, announcing that CCGH Chief of Staff Robert Romano had closed the hospital to all incoming trauma cases, because of a weak or faulty generator.  
  
Luka grinned to himself before moving to the door, observing their actions for a few moments upon realizing they'd forgotten he was even in their vicinity, then took off toward the desk to ask Jerry who'd won the poll for the first kiss – the beginning. Moments later, Jeanne spun past him, grabbing his hand and pulling him toward the lounge door with her, where Elizabeth and Lydia soon arrived with Randi in tow, the five collectively cracking the door and poking their heads inside, craning their necks and readjusting their stances for a better view.  
  
Kerry seemed to move into him, drawn to his touch as opposite poles of a magnet, and he twirled her in a circle before she finally placed a hand on his chest and requested he slow down. He opened his mouth to apologize, but she cut him off with a shake of her head and a finger against his lips, her other hand digging into his shoulder. "We're gonna be okay," she told him, with an almost childlike tone to her voice, and in the corner of her mind, she registered that Luka had left the lounge. Above them, the fluorescent lighting flickered again and seemed to grow dimmer, bathing the room in shadows and ghosts, and then his head dipped lower and her face moved toward his, and they were dancing. 


End file.
